Good things about Oslo no.1

There’s a handful of things about Norway that really piss me off.

Things that, when I’m sat sifting through a festival of feculent US sitcoms of an evening, make me stop, ponder and ask myself ‘what are you doing here?’
Obviously I then look across at my lovely girlfriend (who, incidentally, might just be reading this – hello darling!) and think ‘oh, right, that’s why.’
But for that handful of things that get me down there’s a handelkurv chocked full of goodies that lifts me up again. Small things that make a big difference… as they so often do (isn’t that right darling!).
One of those little sprinkles of delectable garnish on the Oslovian dish is the Bysykkel.
This is a fantastic idea that I’m not 100% sure would work quite so well in Manchester. Basically it’s ‘free’ bikes that you can pick up and drop off at about 80 different places around the city.
To get access to these you have to be an Oslo resident (or, as a tourist, leave a credit card deposit) and pay 70 krone a year (about £6, or one pint down Aker Brygge) for a membership card. You then simply insert this at one of the pick up/drop off stands and it logs which bike you have.
Said bike is now yours to use throughout the city for a maximum of three hours before you’re required to drop it off at another rack and, if you so desire, pick up a different bike.
It’s genius and, in a city where you have to re-mortgage your flat every time you clock up an extra mile in a taxi, a very inexpensive, fun and environmentally friendly way to fly about.
What’s more the bikes are kinda cool – in a kinda totally shit kinda way – and are available from 6am until midnight. Brilliant, simply brilliant.
The only downside is that the whole scheme is funded by Clear Channel (notorious hoarders of Nazi gold and supporters of apartheid, world hunger and the Burmese military junta*) so you have to endure a couple of six sheet advertisements every time you collect your carriage.
But then again if, like me, you’re stupid and don’t understand the language it doesn’t matter anyway. Ha! Up yours Clear Channel!**
Anyway, these would be a great idea for every major city in Europe and would undoubtedly work a treat in Manchester too.
If, and this is the biggest IF ever, armies of little scally bastards didn’t nick them, kick the crap out of them in the stands and stretch cheese wire over all the major Bysykkel routes to decapitate the oblivious cyclist.
Let’s face it, if reinforced bus shelters can’t live through an evening in the city centre what chance do a few bikes have?
Very little I imagine.
So Oslo, Bysykkels – I salute you! Little scally bastards – you’re ruining it for everyone back home!



*Possibly, or possibly not
** But thanks for the bikes